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You can fall for someone who is totally wrong for you, as unfair and confounding as that reality can be. For a relationship to work, a connection must go both ways. Even if the intuitive bond you feel is authentic , it can remain unrealized. Meanwhile, keep your options open.

How do you avoid getting entangled in dead-end or delusional relationships where you see someone in terms of how you wish them to be, not who they are?

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Here are some red flags to watch for. Recognizing even one of these should warn you to be careful. The more that are present, the more danger exists. At first, some signs may be more obvious than others. The first few months of a courtship, a man is so attentive, caring, passionate. This person would never be that way with me. Being able to admit that, or at least trying to understand the reasons for making such a bad choice, is a positive sign.

Playing the victim is not. Also, it helps to understand that unavailable people rarely choose to be that way. Research has shown that many people are afraid of being clung to or smothered, which could stem from having had a controlling, engulfing, or abusive parent. Commitment-phobic men, in particular, may just prefer sex without love.

Rather, they see themselves as macho dudes who think women always need more than they can give.

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Thus, they prefer to play in shallow water, not go deep. Commitment-phobic women also fear intimacy and want to keep a distance. If being in a relationship with an unavailable person feels like love to you, I urge you to look closer. If you are in a toxic, abusive, or non-reciprocal relationship, it may be the right choice to withdraw, even when your passion is strong and says, "Stay.

Yes finding true love is hard but with faith and honesty you will meet the right person and when you see that right man All that will matter to him will be your well fare. I just emailed this list to a bunch of friends.

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Americans are so romantic and optimistic. We believe that everyone is emotionally healthy and available and capable of commitment. But in reality that is a small group. Absolutely true. I wish I had read this a few years back. This article is like a fire alarm for me. I just broke up with a person who manifests 11 signs out of the 12 he's not married or in another relationship It very hard to break up because the chemistry is there and physical attraction is intense.

But I have to walk away because I did see the end of the dead end street finally. I have dragged this on far too long off and on for 18 years! Time to get out before I hate myself for letting this happen, over and over again. I can relate to your situation. Don't kick yourself for letting it go on over and over. I did this for 16 years. My friend always said, you will know when it's right to end it. He ended it a year ago, we got back to seeing each other, then I ended it, then we tried friends only, that didn't work, and we saw each other a few more times, and then a year to the date, ended us again.

Good for you to know it's time to get out, I feel your pain.

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I can so relate to this article sadly this has been going on for 10 years off an on I've dated other men when it was off but never really could let go of the ex mentally, emotionally or spiritually. Sometimes I ended it because consciously I knew I deserved more however in my weak moments I would reach out and so would he if he had not heard from me for a few months I would drink a little more in these crashing lows just to forget the pain and my stupidity for allowing this in my life I knew better and am a strong person. I would beat myself up for weeks sometimes a couple of months as I ask myself why do I let him in and get to me I really felt he was my soul mate I'd never connected with anyone on such an intense emotional, spiritual or physical level before I don't fall in love easily and never told him I was until this last time, all the while knowing love is not about pain and longing.

Its been 30 days now since we last had contact, I've read every thing I can get my hands on about commitment phobic men, emotionally unavailable men, love avoidants, love addicts Personally I think he suffers in silence with anxiety and depression his mother has it too I also think there was was some trauma in young life and couldn't bond with his mother properly because of her depression and his Dad was old school I feel like I'm over the worst of it have started working out again and laying off the wine Love and Light Diane.

It will be day on Oct. He won't get a call from me. It's great, you tell your story anonymously. There are tools, support from all the members.

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It has really helped me move forward. Good luck! After over 15 years of being involved with a man in a relationship, he was not married, it is over. He told me he would never leave her, despite not being in love with her, she is more of a companion to him. I didn't know he was involved at first when we met, then it was revealed, but too late, I had fallen.

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He did too, we were quite attached for a while. I thought having some of him was better than none. I found myself missing him when he was out with her, not being able to see him when I wanted, always being last priority. He just ended things without any argument, with no contact. I guess it is a blessing in disguise This article have really done the job of a great tutor Emotion and mentality educating, creating an atmosphere of awareness and a touch light for a better companion..

This is a good article. You would think the points it makes are obvious, but they're really not. I myself devoted 3 years to a relationship with someone I loved dearly who was in reality emotionally unavailable. I believed that my love for him could make the relationship functional and I blamed myself and cried for months after the relationship broke down, because I thought that somehow if I'd just been better less emotional, more attractive, smarter, more fun and outgoing, etc he would have loved me more. I since have come to know that he has a pattern of being unable to commit in relationships and has left yet another broken heart behind him after me.

It's painful to walk away, but it's worse to spend a lifetime trying to give your love to someone who sadly isn't able to receive it for no fault of your own. Your post was very encouraging; what you said at the end was great, and thanks it helped me to read it. The pattern is important. That's the red flag. Often it's our own ego that's fooling us thinking we are better than the other ones, and that he would stay. In reality it has nothing to do with us. Emotional unavailable people rarely change the way they think. Like the guy I was involved with That's what I accept. And I don't have to accept being treated that way.

The more I talked to the guy the more his twisted logic made my head spin. I believe many emotional unavailable people do live in their own world.

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They made up logic that only they can understand. But they expect the whole world to go with their flow The answer is: No. You don't have to go with their flow.

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In fact, I changed the name of my loser on my phone to "hemorrhoid" and I changed his cute photo to this hideous man's face. It's a reminder not to text him in a weak moment, of which I sadly have many. From my experience with the guy whom I had an affair with on and off for over 17 years, I find out the problem with "unavailable" people very often is simply because they want their cakes and eat them too. My guy wanted or needed all the trimmings of a loving relationship the touching, the tenderness, the sleep-over, the safe and exclusive sex, the wining and dining , and yet he also wanted to reserve the freedom to cut me off whenever so that he could do whatever he pleased.

I mean "whatever". He disappeared for 4 days and when he came back he insisted that he wasn't having sex with other people, however, since we were not in a relationship, he didn't feel the need to tell me what he did in his private life. When I explained to him I didn't want to put him on a leash. That wasn't what I meant, but just a phone call or a text to tell me he needs some "me" time as a courtesy would be nice.

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He just twisted my words and said I wanted him to report to me. When he started arguing like that, I realized it was time to cut him off. The coldness of his tone couldn't disguise the bizarre logic he made up in his head. It was too dysfunctional for me to deal with.